Stouffington Rovers

The State Of The Union

2007-02-25T12:35:00.000Z

It has often been said that the Scots and the English are the best of friends and the worst of enemies. Indeed it is strange that two such different countries have been bound together for so long. It's 300 years since the Act of Union with England, and the creation of the United Kingdom, and now people are beginning to ask, what does the Union mean to us today, and is it still necessary or relevant to the needs of a modern Scotland?
When the decision was taken by a group of unelected noblemen to dissolve the Scottish parliament 300 years ago, it was said that they had been 'Bought and Sold for English Gold'. For centuries, the Scots had resisted any attempt to be brought under English rule, many battles were fought, more lost than won, but the will to be free and autonomous has always run deep in the Scottish psyche, and from that passion sprung forth documents like the Declaration of Arbroath : 'for, as long as but a hundred of us remain alive, never will we on any conditions be brought under English rule. It is in truth not for glory, nor riches, nor honours that we are fighting, but for freedom - for that alone, which no honest man gives up but with life itself.’
Extract from the Declaration of Arbroath. The declaration of Arbroath is thought to have been the inspiration behind the American declaration of independence.
However, the modern Act of Union was drafted at a time when it was no longer acceptable for England to rule in dominion over Scotland and strip its assets, both monetary and human. It was devised as a partnership, but any partnership between a large nation and a small nation will undoubtedly be troublesome, as the small nation will never feel it has enough involvement, and the large nation will feel that the smaller has too much involvement. It is also extremely difficult to govern such a partnership, as what seems like a good measure for the south of England is most decidedly not a good measure for the North Of Scotland. This is where, in my opinion, the Union begins to creak. Margaret Thatcher knew that Scots would never vote for her in great droves, as we have always been something of a liberal country, so she opted to keep her core electorate happy, and closed down steelworks and shipyards and all of Scotland's manufacturing industry, moving them piecemeal to the South of England. She destroyed this country by grinding it slowly and painfully into the ground. The conundrum nowadays is that the Labour government has given us back our own parliament for devolved issues i.e. everything bar our own fiscal autonomy and control of defence. The killer here is that Scottish MSP's in Edinburgh can vote on matters of Scottish policy and English MP's no longer have a say on this. Fair enough, you may say, but in Westminster, Scottish MP's can vote on English policy matters and help the government force through unpopular measures. This is the cryptically titled 'West Lothian Question'. In the last general election, the Conservatives would have won had it not been for the Labour MPs returned from Scotland and Wales. Now that the Scottish parliament Elections are coming up in may, and the Scottish National Party are ahead in the opinion polls, Labour are scaremongering about how terrible it would be if the Nats were to get in, and sever ties with the UK. How taxes would go up, and there would be mass unemployment and so forth. I think that it's fairly obvious why they want to hang on to us. They would never win another election down south without us.
Plus Gordon Brown (the chancellor of the exchequer) is a Scot, and is set to succeed Tony Blair as Prime Minister, but he will only have a short tenure before the next election. In a recent poll (done by Frank Luntz, of all people?!?) 70% of English voters responded that they would not vote for Gordon Brown because he is Scottish. I think that is the death knell for the Union, if someone can't attain the nation's highest office because of the country he hails from.
My own personal view is that there will never be a better time to go it alone. We have such a rich history, and world legacy that it would be unthinkable for us to fail as an autonomous nation. From Scotland, the country whose peoples have brought us the telephone, television, penecillin, chloroform, tarmac (asphalt), the tyre and the doctrine of capitalism itself, it would be a great opportunity to step out from the shadow of our nearest neighbours, and be a confident nation again, as part of the vibrant European Union. Most importantly, we have the will to make it work. I know which box I'll be crossing in May...

A man's a man, for a' that.

2007-01-28T11:48:00.000Z

Well, we had our annual Burns night gathering last night. It was a really good laugh. I was slightly concerned because the neeps were shockingly difficult to mash, and I was frightened that we had got a rogue reedy one (or two). Turnip can be a really nice vegetable, but when you get a reedy one, by god it can be horrible, but a dose of patience, and a half pound of butter later, I got them to mash. We bought a huge haggis. Unfortunately it burst in the oven, so we had to do the tradtional stabbing with one of the smaller vegetarian ones. And I made my trademark mashed tatties. Also last year, the big yin must've brought a whole load of dishes over to my house from her flat, but now that she's moved in, we've no idea where any of them went, so we were shoving mashed potato and turnip in any old dish we could find. I dare say our presentation could have been 100% better, but everyone scoffed a fair portion, and there wasn't a tremendous amount left at the end. My gran had very kindly made us a clootie dumpling, but most were too full to sample it. I suppose it means that I'll be having dumpling for the next fortnight...
I wonder what Rabbie Burns would think if he knew that 200 odd years after his death
we'd still be getting together in his name for a celebration. I think he'd be quite proud. The man was a visionary. We could do with some guys with his basic decency around running the show these days. Here's his greatest poem, and one with a special relevance to our modern times. Maybe if we took heed of his words then we could enjoy life in peace...

Is there for honest poverty
That hings his head, an a' that? (Hangs)
The coward slave, we pass him by -
We dare be poor for a' that!
For a' that, an a' that,
Our toils obscure, an a' that,
The rank is but the guinea's stamp,
The man's the gowd for a' that. (Gold)

What though on hamely fare we dine,
Wear hoddin grey, an a' that? (Coarse Grey Cloth)
Gie fools their silks, and knaves their wine -
A man's a man for a' that.
For a' that, an a' that.
Their tinsel show, an a' that,
The honest man, tho e'er sae poor,
Is king o men for a' that.

Ye see you birkie ca'd 'a lord,' (fellow called)
What struts, an stares, an a' that?
Tho hundreds worship at his word,
He's but a cuif for a' that. (fool)
For a' that, an a' that,
His ribband, star, an a' that,
The man o independent mind,
He looks an laughs at a' that.

A prince can mak a belted knight,
A marquis, duke, an a' that!
But an honest man's aboon his might - (above)
Guid faith, he mauna fa' that! (mustn't)
For a' that, an a' that,
Their dignities, an a' that,
The pith o sense an pride o worth.
Are higher rank than a' that.

Then let us pray that come it may
[As come it will for a' that],
That Sense and Worth o'er a' the earth,
Shall bear the gree an a' that. (Have Priority)
For a' that, an a' that,
It's comin yet for a' that,
That man to man, the world, o'er
Shall brithers be for a' that. (Brothers)

Nollaig Chridheil Agus Bliadhna Mhath Ur!

2006-12-18T18:06:00.000Z

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
It was with sadness that I discovered this year that Scotland ceased to be the only country in the world where Coca Cola was NOT the number 1 selling soft drink, that honour falling on the world famous Barrs Irn Bru (made in Scotland from girders, and the nation's favourite hangover cure - it works!)
Unfortunately, those fiendish villains over at Coca Cola decided to blitz this country in a wave of propaganda to erase the Irn Bru advantage. Humbug to you Coca Cola! You may have enough power to change the colour of Santa Claus' coat, but our tongues are still by and large luminous orange!! As long as but a hundred of us remain alive, we will continue to resist Coca Cola's dominion!

Does anyone remember the snowman? It was an 80's classic. Here's a wee Irn Bru spoof for you Crimbo delectation....look out for all the Scottish landmarks; the Falkirk Wheel,The Forth Rail bridge, Edinburgh and Eilan Donan Castles, Loch Ness....and nessie too..

Assessment

2006-11-13T01:46:00.000Z

Further to my last post, here's the Betas in what I think is their finest hour. Enjoy. Ponder. Drink. Ponder more. That's what good music is all about!

The Watcher And The Tower, Waiting Hour By Hour

2006-11-06T23:13:00.000Z

I dunno, but for the last 6 months or so I've found myself gazing up at the moon with boyish wonder. It has loomed large and bright in the night sky here over the last few months and we've been lucky to have had many a crystal clear night in which to gaze up. I thank my lucky stars that I wasn't pulled over by the rozzers for swerving about the road looking up at it instead of where I was going. I'm really not sure why it holds this fascination, or why at this time in my life I've suddenly begun to ponder the enigmatic hold it seems to have over humankind. I was certainly interested in space when I was a kid, and I was as fond of the idea of swooshing a lightsabre as the next kid, but I was never interested in the moon per se. I suppose when I was at primary school, it was accepted that humans had been to the moon, and that was that. Never in us from the beginning was the wonder instilled in previous generations. How would we do it? What was it made of, Cheese? Were there oceans there? Were there aliens? No one knew, and that made it all the more special when we went. I imagine that generation still holds the fascination, but for us it was just cold hard fact, rock and dust, and some metal in a museum.

I'm assuming that it started during my trip to KSC, where I saw the incomparable Saturn V rocket that took 24 men on the almost mythical journey to the moon. You can't help but wonder what it must have felt like to make footprints in the dust, in the knowledge that they'll still be there millions of years after you've turned to dust, or to plant the flag of your country in the soil, or to stand and take in the vast, colourless desolation all around.

The big yin doesn't understand my fascination either. Standing in borders looking at pictures taken on the moon landings I commented: 'isn't that truly magnificent?' She replied, 'not as magnificent as this', showing me stunning pictures of nature in it's finest here on earth from the beeb series 'Planet Earth'. 'Anyway, it's just a big ball of rock with nothing on it!' And she's right. It is just a big ball of rock with nothing on it, but I wonder if it's possible to truly appreciate the beauty and fragility of life on this planet unless you've stood on the face of a big ball of rock with nothing on it and looked back in the inky blackness towards this small yet wonderful oasis of life in the vast barren desert that is our galaxy? I'm a firm believer that humanity needs perspective, and what better perspective than being 250,000 miles from home. I'm sure that would make us appreciate everything that we have, and maybe jolt us into the realisation that there is only one earth. Once it's gone, it's gone. All the money you could dream of won't bring it back.

I believe America are going back to the moon in 2019. If they need a general layabout of a crewmember for a lunar landing mission, I'd be the first to volunteer. Besides, I make a mean freeze-dried cheese toastie. Hey, I know it's just a dream, but I'm definately going to be the first guy to plant the Saltire in the lunar soil.....well actaully, I'd be the second, and this brings me neatly on to my next topic......

This is Steven Mason, (First Scot on the moon) ;-p Sadly, it was only his dream too! I absolutely live for music. I know that's such a lame thing to say, but it's true. It seems to bring order to my life, and at the moment the glue that's holding me together is The Beta Band. I know I probably spend way too much time banging on about how great all things Scottish are, (When I'm undoubtedly looking through tartan tinged specs) but these guys truly deserve it. Not hugely famous, despite being quite prominently namechecked and played in hollywood movie 'High Fidelity', they quite simply are rock chocolate.

I can't really attribute them to any particular style, except to say they most comfortably straddle the Alternative Rock genre, but they stubbornly refuse to be categorisable. Some people describe them as Flip Hop, meaning that they are a mix of Folk and Hip Hop, but I would just say that I like them. A lot. And I would encourage anyone who remotely likes any kind of music to give them a try. In this world of downloads, it'll only take a minute or two of your lives to find them, but I'm sure you'll get the bug too. The best albums to try are Hot Shots II (The final song 'Eclipse' is a must hear for all sane people!!) and their last (and best album) Heroes to Zeros. They were short lived, and I wish they would come back. They were like a comet, streaking their otherworldliness across the bland face of british music. I emplore you to give them a shot. Happy listening!!

'You can't get a decent brew on this damn space station!!'

Where Does The Buck Stop?

2006-11-04T00:30:00.000Z

I'd like to take this opportunity to urge any registered American voters to go out on Tuesday and wipe the floor with that bunch of self involved shills that constitutes the Republican party. I've been keeping one eye on the election cycle from across the pond, and whilst it's inconceivable to me why the Democrats haven't got this thing in the bag already, I'm pleasantly optimistic that come Wednesday morning, any shred of Authority that uneducated excuse for a president has will be well in truly buried. I can't believe that there are still decent people prepared to vote for these amoral self righteous sob's, and not only that, but are so blinkered to believe that these people are the guardians of moral values. Gie me a break!
It's perhaps impertinant for me to express an opinion seeing as I can't vote and it's not my country, but the ramifications of any election, however minor, in America has GLOBAL consequences. Please make George Bush's last two years in office unproductive ones....Lest he inflict any more damage on this poor planet than he has already.

You know the drill. Vote Dem.
Get to it!

Blah Blah Busy Blah Blah Knackered Blah Blah

2006-10-20T17:06:00.000+01:00

I wont make any excuses, I haven't posted for ages cause I just couldn't be bothered. I had a great time on holiday in a little Spanish village on a mountainside up the back of Malaga. That's the first time in a while I've been away with other people, and whilst I may have got away with being a lazy sod had it just been the two of us, it wasn't to be the case. Plus being one of the only people in our party that can drive abroad, a lot of that fell to me. Driving in a foreign city isn't easy, but it's always worse when you're driving on the other side of the road. Why do the British have to do everything different from everyone else??
Still, it was a lot of fun, we cooked fresh food every day from the Malaga market. Our paella was (self-congratulatoraly) as good as anything you'd have got in a restaurant, and we chatted, drank loads of beer and wine, and went on pretty exciting excursions to Granada in the Sierra Nevada mountains, to see the Alhambra palace, and to Gibraltar. Alhambra was amazing. An arabic palace in to this date the historical furthest extent of the arabic empire. It's strange to think that until the 14th century, southern Spain belonged to the Arabs.
Gibraltar was bizarre, being as it is, part of Britain. we had to take our passports along in order to cross the 'border', and we could spend our pounds once across. It was weird aswell, as all the roadsigns, phoneboxes, shops and chippys were all the same as in Britain, even down to the bobby on the beat, with his bullet hardhat. We took a taxi up to the top of the Rock (one of the mythical pillars of Hercules) and could see right across the strait of Gibraltar to the other pillar a mountain called Ceuta in Morocco, my first sighting of the Continent of Africa. Plus, there was the added interest of the Gibraltarian apes, the only resident wild primates in the continent of Europe. (Phew, I'm not alone). The legend goes that if the Apes leave the rock, then British rule in Gibraltar will come to an end. They watch the apes like hawks, as the Gibraltarians are adamant they want to stay British, but the Spaniards want the rock back, and I'm sure they may have in the past tried to get rid of the monkeys to spook the inhabitants out!

Well anyway, I'm not going to make any grand sweeping promises about posting more often, I'll take it as it comes. I have thought of a few things that I could conceivably write about, but whether I do or not I shall leave to fate. That's just how I roll....

The Boys Dun Good

2006-09-10T02:13:00.000+01:00

Jeez, I think that's probably been the toughest fortnight of my career. I've had a number of work 'firsts' and I've had to do them all with no balls-ups. All of the different elements of these jobs I'm individually comfortable with, but when I got behind the desk and had to put all of those elements together, I hate to say, my arse almost collapsed.
My colleagues and mentors are very blase about it all. 'Just get on with it, you can do it. Stop fannying around and panicking, and just do it', the most experienced of them says. Another buzzes round the desk over my shoulder, trying to make out that he's not crapping himself that I'm gonna make a mess of it, and trying his best not to arise suspicion in the client that I might not be up to the job he's paying full whack for....
All of these things are easy for them to say, they've been doing it for 30 years, and I've barely been in the job for 8 months! I have really felt the pressure, and I also feel a marked measure of responsibilty for the project and the work I produce. There's nobody at the end to pick up the slack if I can't be bothered, and I feel under pressure to get finished, so much so that I've been staying in after my scheduled hours to finish things. That brings another pressure to bear, as the big yin is starting to moan at me for working extra hours, but I'm just one of these people that hates not finishing things. I'd rather not do a job than take it on in the knowledge that I wont be able to finish it.
Still, that's the hell weeks over, and I've got 3 days before I have to go back in to finish a commentary record, and then 1 more block of four episodes of the programme I regard as my bread and butter, and I'm on holiday!!! They gave me the time off after a bit of a fight with the office. They insisted in calling my senior mixer and asking him if it was alright for me to take the leave. Much to my delight, he said, 'It's Stewart's leave, it's nothing to do with me. If he wants it, then he must have it.' So off I'm heading to Malaga on the 17th of September for a week in a quiet villa. Class.
I'm also really looking forward to one of my best mates coming up from Bournemouth in England to stay. He went away to study at the university there, and I've been down to visit him many times, but he was always so rooked, that he's not been able to afford the flight up here. Now that he's got himself a spiffy new job, he's on his way for his first visit home to Scotland for nearly 4 years! Of course he'll be lodging in the West Wing of Stouffington Towers (if my back room can constitute a wing??) during his visit, so I'm relishing the chance to mull over old times, and go out and get pished, which is always a fun byproduct of the two of us and others getting together!

Just finally before I sign off, I'd like to tip my hat to the Scotland boys, who have started our European Championship 2008 qualifying campaign in top form. Maximum points from our opening 2 games have left us top of the group (the group of death) ahead of France , Italy and Ukraine. Although the chances of us qualifying for the finals is sooo slim in what is undoubtedly the most difficult qualifying section(with the world champions and runners-up and quarter finalists), to get off to such a good start is something that we haven't been doing in recent years. Albeit wins against the Faroe Isles (6-0) and Lithuania (1-2), these were games where we would undoubtedly have slipped up in the last few seasons. And although we have yet to face the mighty France or Italy, our Davidesque stones are fully extended in our catapult, and I sense when the big guns come calling, we'll be ready to do a spot of giant killing!

Alba gu brath!

It's Time To Stop This Madness

2006-08-15T15:42:00.000+01:00

I don't like what's happening to this place. We are being attacked by our own citizens in our own country. And, what's more galling than anything is that it's our own fault.
No one likes to be told how to live their lives, and I can't help but feel that if we in the west were to keep our noses out of other peoples business, then we could continue to live our lives in peace, and allow people to fight their own battles.
I know it's probably a naiive sentiment, but I just don't understand what gives us the right to think that we can be world policemen, and not grow malcontent and distrust towards us, rather than diminish it.
I feel somewhat ashamed by the blatant hypocrisy and double standards displayed by the west when dealing with the Middle East. We feel compelled to remove some belligerant dictators, whilst supporting others, we berate Arab states for sending arms to the Lebanon, whilst giving bunker busting bombs to Israel and I'm sure it makes even less sense to the Middle Eastern population than it does to us.
It's clear that the war on terror has done more to 'embolden' terrorists and swell their ranks than any other course of action the West could have taken. It's time to admit that we were wrong. It's time to slink back to the shadows and let these poor people (who have done nothing to bring this upon themselves) get on with rebuilding their lives. It's time to put conservatives and hawks who still in their delusion think this war has been a success in their place and out of office.
It's time to stop this madness....

Would The Last One Out Turn The Lights off....

2006-07-31T21:40:00.000+01:00

Jeez, I think I just woke the neebours! I was sittin surfin the net, and as I do, I picked up the guitar, switched on my amp and started playin with my headphones on. Now of course, with it bein a pre-amp/transistor cabinet combo, the headphone socket isnae a break jack, and you have to turn the volume down completely so that the only output is through the headphones, but dumbass here put the headphones on first, so all I heard was what was coming out the headphones, and I was blissfully jammin away for 20 odd minutes at 1 in the morning not realising that the main volume was still up. OOOpssss. I'm sure I'll not be popular in the morning....Mind you, it somewhat serves them right as I've lost count of the times when I've been on late or night shifts and they play really loud music rediculously early in the morning, or that damn dug of theirs that wont stop barking when it's started, no matter the time. Nevertheless, as much that I feel like a bit of a twat, I'm sure all the bad karma I've just received has already been negated by all that other stuff that's entailed in being their neighbours! That's what I'm hoping anyway........

On another subject, I was really sad to see the end of Top Of The Pops the other night. It's an institution, and whilst I can't say that I've ever religiously watched it, I hate to see the end of institutions. It's like the end of eras. It's only been going since the 1960's and to see it cancelled, no matter how crap it was, or how many kids weren't watching it any more, is a real wrench. Every music artist wanted to appear on TOTP. It was the law. If you wanted a hit, you'd have to go on TOTP. No TOTP, no hit. It's like the grand archive of musical history from the 60's right through till now, and I'm glad that they've got it. I count myself lucky to be able to say that I worked on it for a very brief period of time, but that doesn't counteract the feeling of emptiness that comes with the end of things. Why does it have to be the end?????

Ride Across The River

2006-07-21T16:29:00.000+01:00

The story goes like this...At the beginning of 5th Century AD, St Mungo left Culross in the Kingdom of Fife and set out for the West Coast. On his way he met an old man named Fergus, but Fergus was sick and died soon after. Mungo took his body and placed it on a cart pulled by two bulls. He said 'Wherever these bulls should rest, I will build my church.' The bulls stopped by the Molendinar Burn, a tributary of the river Clyde, and Mungo called this place Glasgu, meaning 'The Dear Green Place'. And there he built Glasgow Cathedral, the mediaeval version of which still stands today, with St Mungo's remains laid to rest inside.

Far Be It From Me To Disappoint....

2006-07-21T01:23:00.000+01:00

Unfortunately I don't yet have any pictures from the wedding, but this was taken shortly before, and incase anyone thinks I'm about to do a dance or something, I'm not. The neighbour's dug caught a glimpse of me through the hedge and made a snarling run for me, so I'm about to make a sharp exit stage right....

The Old Man And The Sea

2006-07-19T20:35:00.000+01:00

I know I've not posted in ages, but it's been a really busy month, and I have a lot to talk about.

The wedding was a fantastic day. It was a really hectic period of time. There were a whole bunch of people of varying nationalities staying at the big yin's flat so she was displaced to mine and there had to be a whipround of everyones spare bedding to make sure the guests were reasonably comfortable in her wee flat. The big yin's new sister in law is Danish so her family had all come over - her dad and stepmum sailed all the way here in their yacht.

I had been asked if I would do the wedding video. When you work in the media, no matter what area of the media you work in, other people always assume that you are an expert at operating a camera. Can i just say that this is a fallacy. I'm a sound mixer. I don't do cameras. However, I obliged, but I have to say, I was really nervous about doing it. I don't really remember a lot about the day as I busied myself running round, getting cutaways, recording messages from tables of guests to the happy couple and basically trying my best to catch everything that moved. Even through the lens though, I could tell that it was turning out to be a fantastic day. The only blip occurred during the ceremony when the registrar asked the groom 'Do you take this man'....whoops. There was much laughter and the groom was heard to ask the bride if there was something she wasn't telling him? It was a scorching day and when we moved inside the hotel for the ceilidh the temperature went through the roof. Between filming and getting dragged up almost constantly to dance I ended up suffering from heatstroke!

The following day the various family members went up to Loch Lomond for a barbeque which I ducked out of as I was still feeling ropy, and the groom managed to lose his wedding ring whilst swimming in the Loch. How unlucky was that????

On Saturday we went back down to Troon to go sailing with the Big Yin's brother and new wife on her dad and stepmum's yacht. We took the boat right out into the firth of Clyde and started fishing. I've never been fishing before, as I'm not really the outdoor adventure type, but I have to say, I found it to be really relaxing. I thought that the chances of us catching anything was really slim, unless we got an old boot/shopping trolley/radio antenna of her majesty's ballistic missile submarine Vanguard.....
We ended up between the five of us that were fishing catching 14 mackerel, and that's not counting the many little ones that we threw back in. Then us boys took turns to pilot the boat back into harbour. It was a fantastic day, made all the more special by seeing seals and porpoises frolicking in the water on the way back to shore, oh, and I got a bit of sunburn for my troubles an all!

After all of this, we've been invited to go to Malaga in Spain with the happy couple and some friends in September, so that the burds can go scuba diving, and me and the big yin's brother can sit in the pub.....Ok, more like outside of the pub.... Sounds like a real plan, but it's gonna be difficult to get the leave from work. I've put it in, but they're procrastinating, which makes me suspect they're gonna turn my request down. I'll be so peeved if they do.

I'm there in my mind already.

I'm bad..... I'm Nationwide

2006-06-28T00:44:00.000+01:00

I know I promised to post on the American adventure in greater detail, but I've not worked up the motivation to sit down and write some of it out. I got the photos back. The big yin had them on her card. We filled a 1Gb card with photos and videos, and it wasn't until I got back that I discovered that I only have 11Gb on my laptop. So need to get one of these external hard drives. I may post some if I can A) Be bothered or B) Figure out why my laptop says it's uploading pictures and then doesn't. (I can only seem to upload them at work, where I don't really have time to be fannying around with such things.)

I've kinda been struggling for things to write over the last week or so. I start a post, and then think better of it. (Like my response to Mr Bush's remarks in Europe last week) and I end up deleting it (I really didn't fancy a housecall from the CIA).

I did however gain inspiration from EightK to work on a things I love about this country and this city type post. I think it's a brilliant idea for everybody to do as it really makes you think about your place in your home and your country, and inevitably, the world as a whole. It's so much fun to live someone elses life for a while, put on the shades, get in the big car and bomb down the sunny freeways, but at some point you gotta come back to the rain, and the hills and the old world.

I'll be back soon, maybe......

A Spoonful of Sugar...

2006-06-19T19:52:00.000+01:00

Suffice it to say, I have withdrawal symptoms. Less than a month. I have to hang my head in shame.
Damn Reese's Cups. I used to get them sent over by a relative in Canada when I was younger, but not any more. You can get em here, but you have to go hunting for them. Ahh Well.
Plus my throat is really sore? I have a shocking track record when it comes to throat infections. I had an inkling of a sore throat on holiday, and I bought these Cepacol lozenges over there. Normally I don't buy lozenges as they seem to have no effect on me, but these lozenges have so much benzocaine in them that just having one in your hand for 10 seconds leaves your fingers numb and tingling! I'm really glad that I brought some home as they've single handedly got me through the day! I take it the lozenge manufacturers here aren't allowed to put that high a dose in theirs....

I was at the Big Yin's brother's stag do at the weekend. We began by partaking in the tribal ritual that is paintballing. I had heard stories that the paintballs hurt like hell when they hit, so I was pleasantly surprised when I found that it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought, and I was actually quite good at it. The stag can testify, as he was hit by me several times, much to his annoyance. During the last game, having run out of ammo, and waiting it out behind a barrel, I started thinking about how relitavely unscathed I was, and at that moment, someone from the other team bombed round the barrels in a sort of Kamikaze/Rambo run and shot me in the arm at point blank range.
Now these things come out of the guns propelled by compressed Carbon Dioxide at 100 miles an hour, and fired at you from 2 feet or less away, I shall just say it smarted. Anyway, I'm treating the rather large blue and yellow bruise that has engulfed my entire upper arm as a badge of honour.

It was a great day, we all had a good laugh, and a fair few sherbets were downed at the end of night pub crawl in Edinburgh, that included a visit to the Stand comedy club, where stand ups were top class. If only I weren't suffering for it quite as much now....

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!

2006-06-12T16:29:00.000+01:00

Well, I was kicking myself when I entered the big yin's world cup sweep at work a week ago.(why the big yin set up a world cup sweep, I'll never know, as she hates football something rotten??) You paid your 2 quid and then picked out a scrunched up piece of paper from a plastic cup with the name of your team written on it. If that team wins the World Cup, then you win the overall pot of money collected. Anyway, the name of the team on the piece of paper made me wince. Saudi frikkin Arabia. The same Saudi Arabia that started their last World Cup campaign with an encouraging 8-0 defeat at the hands of Germany. Not deterred and keeping in mind that there were still a few good sides yet to be claimed, I chucked another £2 in and held my breath. Come on....be Germany, or Brazil, I'd even be happy with Croatia??!

Australia.

The nation who haven't qualified since 1974, and who have NEVER even scored a goal in the World Cup finals. Jeez, I'd rather have been mugged my £4 than get Australia and Saudi Arabia.

But in todays first game with Australia and Japan, I decided that the Aussies were gonna be my team of the tournament. I'm gonna get behind them 100%. They're newbies at this level and in my book that makes them infinately supportable. (And the English hate them, which is another reason to heartily support them, if another was needed.) Well, after 80 minutes of a tight game, the Japanese were 1-0 up, and their stuffy defence looked like it was going to hold out, until Everton's Australian midfielder Tim Cahill was introduced, and he got 2 smashing goals in the last ten minutes, and the turnaround was complete when John Aloisi sneaked through to finish empahatically. A first victory 3-1. Maybe my money was not wasted after all, and I've found a new allegiance!

I don't think I realised until this kicked off how much I wanted Scotland to be a part of it all. We never do well when we get there, and we've never been past the first round, fate continues to conspire against us, and we always go out by one goal on goal difference, or we need to draw and we lose, or we beat Holland convincingly, then lose to Peru, and draw with Iran, but amid all the many disappointments, we're still there. We get to join in the party, even if we know deep down that we're just there to make up the numbers. It's never more difficult than looking in the window at all the fun, knowing the door is bolted tight. I told myself that I'd be able to enjoy the tournament more not being preoccupied with how we were doing, but it's just not the case. It's been too long since we've been there and I really miss the buzz it brings to everyone around. We can only hope for next time....

La Coupe Du Monde Est Arivee!

2006-06-11T00:17:00.000+01:00

Well, what a couple of days for world football. The big one is here! The first game was a corker. Germany have been in freefall over the last few years, so their meeting with Costa Rica was not going to be the cakewalk it might have been for German teams of the past. This game was a cracker though. 4-2 to Germany, with the hosts scoring 2 goals that will undoubtedly go down as contenders for the goal of the tournament. I went to watch it over at my sisters and her boyfriends. He was bouncing up and down like a kid with the excitement, but a few beers calmed him down. All in all, yesterday was a great day. Saw 2 games. Even the turgid Poland v Ecuador clash wasn't enough to dampen our spirits, Marky was miffed as Polish goalkeeper Artur Boruc and striker Macej Zurawski who play for his beloved Celtic had a pretty awful game, (there was no way the commentator was even going to consider giving him his adopted Scottish moniker 'Magic' Zurawski. He was more 'Mince' Zurawski.) Ecuador coasted to a comfortable 2-0 win. The night was rounded off with us having a turn at beating the crap out of each other at Rocky on the Gamecube. It was class, and there were a few moments when I laughed so hard and long that I forgot why I was laughing, but couldn't stop. Poor Fraser took the beating of his life. Particularly when he chose to go Apollo Creed, so I logically selected Ivan Drago, saying things like "I'm sooo gonna kill you" while not knowing how the hell to play the thing. I realised I'd made a wise choice when after 3 punches I had knocked him out cold. There was much hilarity at his hissy fit and swearing afterwards.

P.S. I have not allowed our darling neighbours jammy victory against Paraguay in today's lunchtime fixture to tarnish my day at all. I'm resigned to the fact that they're gonna get through the first round, but pretty confident that they'll fold under the pressure of better opposition in the latter stages. I hope......

Four Horsemen Of The You Know What

2006-06-07T00:32:00.000+01:00

Well, all I can say is this. What a crap day I had. 666 it was. There's nothing more demoralising than a crap day at work. And of course, tomorrow is my first job flying solo so I'm slightly nervous, and should probably be getting a decent sleep rather than sitting up writing nonsense, but no one's perfect. And to add to the gloom, it was such a nice day today. The sun was splittin the bricks and I was stuck inside. I reckon I just got a really bad case of the post holiday blues. I should cheer up though, as the World Cup starts on Friday, and I got a day off! Plus I gotta get ready for the big yin's brothers wedding. Gotta get doon the kilt hire shop at the weekend to have a hope in hell of getting the one in the tartan I want. I really should buy a kilt, especially as me and the boys are thinking about joining the Scotland supporters club, and that would mean possibly a wee trip to the away games in Paris or Milan next year, or even the Faroe Isles if we're feeling adventurous. Think we'll give Georgia, Lithuania and Ukraine a bodyswerve though this time. Thing is the kilt itself would be fine for Scotland duty, but if I wanted it for weddings and occasions then I'd have to get the Charlie jacket and the bow tie/cravatte and the socks and the brogues and a sgian dubh and it'll end up costin me more than I have. Oh well.... I suppose once you got it you got it!
Well, I'm away to try and get some kip!

Would You Like Fries With That??

2006-06-04T11:46:00.000+01:00

Well, That's me back from the states! I had a really good time, and I'm sure I shall post at greater length on the subject in time. But for now I'm going to note a few thoughts I had about the similarities and differences I found amusing/annoying between the Americans and ourselves.

Firstly language. It's often said that we are two countries seperated by a common langauge, and in some cases it's very true. What screwed me up most was the slightly different uses of words describing food. Particularly fast food. I couldn't resist being a gut bucket over there!! In Scotland, we call chipped fried pototoes (the ones you get in McDonalds) Chips. In USA, they're Fries. In USA, Chips are what we call Crisps. (The kind you get in small bags in flavours like Salt and Vinegar). You can see how that would screw a guy up! I ordered a hot dog and chips, expecting to get a hot dog and 'fries' and all I got was a lousy packet of crisps!!
And what we would call a biscuit ie. a small crumbly snack sometimes covered in chocolate, the Americans call a cookie. Now we all know this and it wasn't annoying, nor did it cause me any hardship whatsoever, but it amused me as what the Americans call a biscuit is what we call a scone (pronounced scon for any Americans reading this) and a scone is most often eaten here with butter and jam (jelly USA) and clotted cream and enjoyed with tea, but they eat it with fried chicken and cover it with gravy. What's that all about?!
I did like the service you got in restaurants and diners. It was top class. I got a real shock when I was asked how I would like my eggs, as here you get told what kind of eggs you're getting, like they're either fried or scrambled but there they ask you how you like them and you can get them fried hard or runny scrambled boiled, whatever. Well cool. If you asked for them done a different way here you'd get a slap.

I have to say, the Americans are sooooooo polite. it was quite humbling actually. There was a lot of sincerity there. I don't think I met one single sullen individual the whole time I was there. This was a really pleasant surprise to me. I have to admit, I've read a lot of American news and current affairs since 2000 and I was expecting either Loonyland or Mordor, but that's obviously limited to Tallahassee and the administrative centres of each of the republican states. (Where do you dig up these politicians?).The people on the streets were warm and welcoming, and I'd like to thank them for that.

The weather was glorious. But I'm glad we left before the start of Hurricane season!

Why do Americans drive such big cars? I got into the car rental place and the guy said, 'now, you've booked an economy car, it's tiny'. I said yeah. That's fine with me. He said 'are you sure you don't want something bigger, I've had cancelletions for this week. I just want you to have the best possible time here..' I was quite worried about driving over there anyway, as I've never driven an automatic before, we just don't get them here, and I drive a sporty supermini on a daily basis (smaller than the economy car) and that's not to mention driving on the other side of the road. So I was delighted with the economy car. Plus I was amused at the thought that the size of car I had would somehow have an effect on how much enjoyment I got out of my holiday? Anyway, he just couldn't help himself, and he gave me this big bloody Chrysler Sebring thing, which was like driving an oil tanker, and carried just about as much petrol (gas USA). Any way, I thought my car was big. as soon as I got out on the road, I realised I was in toytown. It was like being in an austin mini in the middle of a monster truck rally. No wonder the USA is responsible for 75% of the worlds carbon emissions! And as for talking about 'pain at the pumps' they wanna see what we have to pay for gasoline. It was $2.70 per gallon. That's about £1.50 roughly. Now, there's just under 4 metric litres in an American gallon, and we pay 94.9 pence per litre so for an American gallon, we pay nearly £4 which is roughly equivalent to $7.40! They do travel over longer distances than us, in their defence.

All in all though. We had a thouroghly enjoyable time, and I'll no doubt post more in the future!

Eat Yer Frikkin Heart Out, Roy Of The Rovers

2006-05-13T19:24:00.000+01:00

Well, It's not often that I get to say this, but we actually won a trophy.....Picking my jaw up off the floor has taken me quite a while, but I am over the moon. It's taken quite a while to get over all of the disappointments of following Scotland over the last decade, and not making it to the World Cup or European Championship for nearly a decade has been a really bitter pill to swallow, particularly when our charming neighbours seem to get there every time. ( I expect that their extra 45 million of a population helps quite a bit in that regard)

So the Kirin Cup (A yearly tri-nation international competiton hosted by Japan) was for us a chance to have a look at some new players for the forthcoming European Championship Qualifiers starting in September. I expected us to get beaten, it has to be said, both by Bulgaria and Japan, as they're considerably higher in the world rankings than us. But what a pleasant shock. Something special happened in Kobe on Thursday morning. Not only did we beat Bulgaria. We absolutely hammered them. A debut double from both Rangers Starlets Kris Boyd (above) and Chris Burke and another from James McFadden made the final score 5-1 . And what a performance. We truly were playing like a Blue Brazil....

Basically, we had to avoid heavy defeat with Japan today to lift the cup, and in the rain and humidity in Tokyo, we did just that. A goalless draw was enough to see us claim our first silverware since a Rous Cup win in 1985. I know it was a win in a meaningless diddy cup, but it means a lot to us fans who have suffered so much over the years in our luckless quest for international footballing success, and takes the edge off the fact that we wont be at the big World Cup party. Hopefully it won't be too long before the Tartan army is back! A day to savour.

And just a wee note to big up Gretna F.C. Yes, the town more readily associated with the art of eloping than footy battled all the way to the last in the Scottish Cup Final before narrowly missing out on lifting the oldest trophy in world football. Not bad for a second division side!

Well, that's me off till I go me holidays in Florida! See you soon - if there's anyone out there?!?!

Goodness Gracious, Great Balls Of Fire!

2006-05-05T20:41:00.000+01:00

Well, only last week it got so cold one evening that I had to put my heating back on having switched it off for the spring. So imagine our surprise here when we woke up yesterday and it was boiling. That sultry heat that everybody hates. Muggy.

Something had to give, and by god did it give. Bear in mind that Scotland is the least humid country on the face of this earth (I may be exaggerating slightly. I've told myself a billion times not to do that). Electrical storms are things that you get in the tropics! Not in the Gorbals! I heard the first flash and rumble while finishing off at work, and waited till the torrential rain had subsided before making a dash to my car. As soon as I was outside though, I became aware of an unusual scent. I know this probably sounds really weird, but it was like an abroad smell...? Fresh but foreign. Whilst speaking with my sis afterwards, she had mentioned a smell, and said it was like the smell when it had rained in Malta when we were on holiday with our folks when we were young. That was it. I was glad that I wasn't the only bampot that was aware of it. One of my work colleagues reckoned that it was ozone, as lightning apparently creates it? I dunno. Never having consciously smelled it I wouldn't know...

Anyway, it was one of the most violent and spectacular lightning displays I've ever seen, and this morning it became apparent that it had caused more problems for the Strathclyde fire brigade than your average Guy Fawkes night!!

This was taken by a guy from Sandyhills in the East End, which is about 5 minutes from my house

And this is at the botanic gardens, near my work

So all in all, an interesting evening. Apparently it was warm air from Spain colliding with the cold air that invariably hangs aboot here that caused it all. Oh well. It sure as hell entertained me for what was left of my evening!

A Little Zalvation

2006-05-04T19:52:00.000+01:00

Talking of Birthdays, I thought as it's his birthday today, this would be a good time to namecheck the ludicrously under-rated Zal Cleminson, who aside from being both cool, and slightly scary, is probably my favourite guitarist of all time! I was thinking I had waited long enough to start foisting my strange musical taste upon anyone who happens upon this blog, and what a good way to start. As the lead guitarist of The Sensational Alex Harvey Band he shredded his way through every imaginable musical style, from straight up metal to swing, from 1930's jazz to polka, from glam rock to folk, they did it all until the sad death of Alex himself. Glaswegian legend that he was....I recommend them to anyone who has ears...even if they are a tad risque.
I also think it's extremely cool that I saw Zal the other night wandering up Byers Road, sadly not in his mime getup, but you can't have everything. Truly sensational.

In The 21st Century.......

2006-05-03T17:33:00.000+01:00

....Even I will have the internet at home. It is done.
Broadband is mine.

From This.....To This In 3 Bangs

2006-04-25T18:43:00.000+01:00

What a weird couple of days. I've spent the better part of the last 3 months majorly looking forward to my 'summer' holiday in Egypt, then I get the news of last night's bombings there. It looks like it was westerners that were targeted, and we decided that going there in May was perhaps too much of a risk to take at this time. I feel defeated though. I was immediately in two minds. If we cancelled, that would mean that the bombers had got their way, but then again your life or livelihood is a large price to pay for defiance. I'm also annoyed at the western politicians who have recently heightened tensions in the region by sabre rattling in Iran's general direction. I have no doubt that this latest atrocity was partly motivated by this and in retaliation for the atrocities being committed in Iraq on a daily basis.
We contacted our tour operator and they kindly agreed to change our destination. We're now on our way to Florida for a fortnight. I can't help but smirk at the irony. If it hadn't been for those wrong button pressing numbskulls, or their corrupt vote-rigging state legislature, there would've been no Dubya, no war on terror (only someone as neanderthal as Bush would attempt to wage war on a noun...), no 'Liberation' of Iraq, and probably no bombing of tourists in Egypt....and therefore my holiday would no doubt have proceeded as normal. You gotta love them. I suppose on the scale of things, Apollo 11 will be similarly spectacular to the Pyramids, if 6,500 or so years younger.....

Groundhog Day

2006-04-21T20:59:00.000+01:00

Does anyone ever get the feeling they shouldn't have got out of bed in the morning? I've had one of those kind of days today. When I got up, I knew that the stuff I hadn't finished at work last night was never going to be finished in time today, and the next guy, whose job it is to blend all of my labourious and often un-noticeable work into a polished thingy was going to be twiddling his thumbs with nothing to do...
I just transferred to this new job and much in that I'm loving it I was thinking just how stressful it can be to be completely removed from your comfort zone. You're both exhilarated and really terrified of the responsability. It's me that's soon going to be sitting in that chair, and right now, I'm wondering if I have the character and the ability to pull this off?? I'm pacifying myself in the knowledge that I've managed to swim in every ocean they've thrown me in thus far. But that self doubt is still there....it must be there in every one of us, or I suppose there'd be nothing driving us on to bigger and better things...

Yep, That Was Easier Than I Thought....

2006-04-20T20:59:00.000+01:00

I finally got round to setting this thing up, primarily because I'm making a total hash of everything else that I'm doing today, and it's taking my mind off of everything else that I'm supposed to be doing! Woohoo! First past the post. It must only get better from here on in!